Your 20s are certainly a perfect time to hustle, grow and build your dream. But amidst of all the learning, there is one underrated skill we need in life, unlearning.
Learning new things enables one to become more experienced and resilient in dealing with various situations. In the same way, unlearning helps us to leave behaviours or patterns that prevent us from living the life we want. I'd like to share certain things that I've unlearned or am actively trying to unlearn to live a more peaceful life.
Say ‘No’ when necessary.
A peaceful life requires you to eliminate things that do not deserve your attention. We tend to say yes to things that we do not want, or just out of habit. What I learned in these recent years is that humans are habitual creatures. We follow how we are taught to react to certain situations. If you grew up saying yes to things just to please others or to avoid conflict, you might have developed a habit of agreeing to things that don't serve you. But the beautiful thing about life is that you can constantly grow by changing your habits. Saying ‘yes’ to the things that do not serve me is the major unlearning I did in my 20s. In fact, I am still learning to unlearn this habit.
Waiting for a perfect moment to be happy
Just as it is important to say no to things that do not align with you, it is necessary to say yes to joy in any given circumstances. You won't always be happy, but you don't have to dwell on negative emotions either. Some days go as we plan, and some days won’t. Are you going to let the situation control you? You may ask, “Girl, how is it even possible?”But my life motto is ‘ Feel everything, not dwell on anything’. So I actively choose not to sit on negative feelings, and will immediately change my focus to things that matter. Unlearning to wait for happiness also includes being grateful and counting your blessings along the way.
I can be perfectly imperfect
I learned not to be harsh on myself. We are made to believe that we are in the invisible race that we need to ‘win’ to lead a successful life. The constant thought of achieving every step in life somehow turns into a comparison game. When I started realising that I am unique in my way and nobody can be me and vice versa, things started changing. I learned the art of acceptance. I accept myself even on the days that I don't feel that I am doing great. I believe that we are allowed to make mistakes, and giving some grace to ourselves will bring a positive change in our lives.
Others' perceptions do not define me
As someone who grew up in a household of ‘what would people think” kind of upbringing, I cared too much about how people perceived me. It almost became a background voice every time I tried to do anything out of my comfort zone. I changed or am actively trying to change (it is a journey), how I am perceived by others. Instead, I have instilled the habit of thinking whether I am happy or satisfied with myself. So I have unlearned not to take others' opinions too seriously.
They say your 20s are the most important time frame to hustle in life. But I believe it is important to play hard and work hard while putting your happiness and peace as your priority. And once in a while, always remember to ask -Do you have some unlearning to do?
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